“We Are The World”. No You’re Not.

I remember it like it was yesterday… A bunch of really famous singers released a song to help fight hunger in Africa. The song itself was written by Michael Jackson (in his 1985, non-pedophile, ass-kicking prime) and Lionel Richie (straight on the heels of “Stuck On You“).

Nice hat, Lionel

Stars from all types of music showed up that night: Dianna Ross was there, as was Willie Nelson. Bruce Springsteen and Kenny Rogers. Dionne Warwick palling around with Cyndi Lauper. Stevie Wonder and Steve Perry. Ray Charles and Bob Dylan. Let me say that again: Ray motherfucking Charles and Bob motherfucking Dylan. In the same room. Singing on the same song. It was pretty fucking awesome. Maybe you had to be there, and maybe you have to have great hindsight, but listening to that song just brings back a lot of memories. Hearing Cyndi Lauper sing, “Well, well, well, WELLLL!” always brings a smile to my face. Maybe it was cheesy, and maybe it was forced and contrived (and maybe fifty artists were turned away but somehow Dan Akroyd made it in), but the song was just awesome.

Fast forward to today. Horrible stuff happening in Haiti. So some industry people decide to recreate this special even by having some well known artists of today sing the song for Haiti disaster relief. Problem is, most are not well-known and most cannot sing, Other than that, success.

Seriously, it is an abomination. It is horrible. I suspect Quincy Jones attempted suicide just so he could roll over in his grave. I have a sneaky feeling Michael Jackson could see into the future and said to himself, “Maybe if I become a suspected child molester and fake my death, I can disassociate myself from this monstrosity”. They have people on this song that use that Cher “Do You Believe In Love” robot thing to change their voice. Some dipshit named Wyclef Jean apparently was invited because he is from Haiti. It wasn’t because he could sing, that’s for sure. He was downright laughable. They decided that the original somehow lacked the prerequisite amount of rap, so they invite some guys with rap-sheets longer than my arm in to contribute to a humanitarian cause. Makes sense.

If there was any, ANY doubt that entertainers just twenty-five years ago were more talented than entertainers of today, this erased all doubt. The 80s had Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Wonder. This latest version had Justin Bieber and Nicole Scherzinger (I have no idea who either of them are, I just looked it up on Wikipedia). 80’s: Tina Turner and Billy Joel, today: Miley Cyrus and T-Pain. 80’s BACK-UP SINGERS: Smokey Robinson, Harry Belafonte and Lindsey Buckingham. Today: Jason Mraz, Kid Cudi and Bizzy Bone (again, no idea who they are. Thanks Wikipedia!).

If you love music and respect greatness, don’t look at the video below. You have been warned…

(Yes, that is Randy Jackson. Dog.)

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Published in: on February 14, 2010 at 12:05 am  Comments (12)  

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12 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Kim, you made me laugh..and I agree, it even made me like “Do they Know It’s Christmas?” more than ever.

    • I had forgotten about that song. Most depressing Christmas song ever. Way to ruin it for everyone, Great Britain.

      • Both songs make me cry..not saying much though, some commercials make me cry (thanks Sarah MacLachlan)!

  2. OK I agree completely these people suck, but I remember my mom shivering to my brother’s AC/DC 8 track. Yes I said 8 track, I was VERY young.LOL I digress. I can still hear my dad yelling over the music “turn that sh** off”. I guess I’m coming back to am I to old to appreciate the younger generation? I was never fond of “We are the World” to begin with, so at least they f*** up a song a don’t care for anyway.

    • But here is the thing: AC/DC had talent. Angus Young is bad ass. Bon Scott was an amazing singer. Aside from a few, these singers were no talent pretty-boys / girls.

      But since you didn’t really care for the original, you’re a big poopy head anyway.

      Poopy head.

      • I guess I’m a double-decker poopy head because I didn’t care for the original “We are the world” and I didn’t care for AC/DC either.

  3. And don’t forget that abomination of vocal disaster Barbara Streisand…

  4. Ya know, I don’t totally agree with you on this one. I think it’s pretty good, but I’m a little more up-to-date on the whole music scene than you are (obviously). I did agree with you on the whole Wyclef comment – that was awful. As far as the rap thing…w ell, it’s kind of a sign of the times and it didn’t sound that bad. I mean a lot of the ‘pop’ music these days involves ‘hip-hop’. Do you even know what hip-hop is?

    Eh, I think you’re just getting really old.

    • You’re just trying to stay ‘hip’ (is it still called ‘hip’?)

      • No, she’s ‘down wit it’, only dinosaurs say ‘hip’ anymore, you dig?

  5. I don’t know Kim. I knew you in the early 90’s and I don’t recall you raving about the awesome talent of the 80’s then. What I remember sounded a lot like what you’re saying now. You hated modern music then as now. My point is I think in another 15 years today’s music will seem far superior to whatever modern crap is on the radio, and that’s OK. Music is like wine to you. Put it in the cellar and let it age to taste 🙂

    • Oh, I agree… if “music” continues on this path, then fifteen years from now albums will consists entirely of people slamming cat testicles in refrigerator doors. As far as 90s music, there was some good stuff. I really liked Pearl Jam. But in my defense, we were listening to a lot of country and were drunk a majority of the time, so…


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